i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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