dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
