i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
