Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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