Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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