Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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