Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
