fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
