Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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