Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
