God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Randomize
