do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
