She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Your cock deserves a montage
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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