How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
