she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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