Sponge bath it is.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
