Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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