I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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