Kiss
Puke
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
