I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
