what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
