my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
