This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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