i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
