Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just invented taco cereal.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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