I think my vagina is haunted
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
