are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
