I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
