Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
