Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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