I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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