I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
nutella sex= disaster
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
