If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
