Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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