i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
