finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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