and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
