so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
