Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
