Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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