Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
