I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
