After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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