escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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