That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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