went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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