I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
