I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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