i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
