I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
im on a boat
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