and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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