just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
