after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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