Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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