Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
