Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
